What about Hell?

If I could have a dollar for every time someone has asked me “How could a loving God send people to hell?”...well I'd still be scratching for money, but it certainly is one of the most common complaints against Christianity. Yet in addressing the issue, I'm sure most people's immediate assumption is that God is some sort of cosmic bully. i.e: “here is what I want you to do - believe in me, be a good person, go to church etc and if you don't do what I want, then I'm going to destroy you and send you to suffer in Hell.” It seems that God is determined to punish those who won’t do what he says.
I know some Christians who feel that people need to be constantly reminded about the dangers of Hell for the sinful person as a way of motivating people into joining the church. Yet when is avoiding punishment or pain ever an appropriate basis for a relationship? Think of a marriage where the only reason she hasn’t left is because of the fear of what he’ll do if she walks out.
Ultimately people resent being judged. I think there is built up anger towards the church from most non Christians because they feel as though they are constantly hearing that their life is wrong, they are bad and that they had better change big time. So if God is just going to reinforce the guilt and judgment then why bother at all. 'Turn or Burn' doesn't sound very much like good news!
Yet while Jesus was on the earth, His message was one of acceptance and inclusion especially toward those who were labeled sinful and were rejected by society. In fact, the only words of judgment were reserved for the religious leaders who were making it impossible for people to really experience the love of God.
Now as much as I wish it wasn't so, I do think that Hell is a reality. But as for God sending people there, I'm really not sure that's how it works. Just like a loving father would be devastated if one of his kids chose to leave home at 15 to do whatever they want, so a brokenhearted God, feels the same at our choice to reject His love and choose independence from Him. Maybe the choice is up to us? If someone willfully chooses to live their life totally independent from God on this earth, then why would they be with God when they die? It's not what they wanted.
Hell will be a terrifying place not because people are being punished, but because they've chosen to be in a place where God is not. If He is the source of all good, then if He is not present then only only evil and darkness will remain.
Instead of seeing God as the mean bully, what if God is constantly reaching out to us in every way, exercising mercy and love, forever drawing people close, forgiving, always giving more time, more chances, more mercy, but never forcing our hand, hoping, waiting, longing for us to choose Him...until it is too late and He can do no more.